18 months

It's been 18 months since Gessner died and honestly I thought that it would be easier by now. I'm amazed at the number of times I still think that I need to call him or I wake up and reach for him. The last couple of weeks have been particularly difficult--I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I think that part of it is because I need him so much right now. My friends are great, but they can't take his place. I'm often reminded of how lucky I was to have Gess and to have experienced the type of love that we did, but on these nights that is little consultation. In fact, it seems to make it worse. All I want right now is to curl up in his arms and let him take care of me. Instead I am left to take care of myself--and these days that is difficult. Everything is taking quite a toll on me.